Posted in Friends, Homeschooling

Reaching And Extending… Socially

It’s no secret to people who really know me that I’m an introvert. I recharge my batteries after church or school events with solitude.

While it’s very easy for me to stay inside my happy little shell, I finished the school year with a Spirit-led prompting to make myself available. To branch out from my usual friends and family and be a supporting hand to someone else, somehow.

I know it was Spirit-led because all my plans revolved around rest and me-time. But I found myself in situations that made me realize, “This is a need… and I think I can fill it.”

I’m a pretty active member (when I have the time) with my kid’s school’s Parent Advisory Committee. Even though I homeschool, I partner with a state-wide charter school. This has made me a liason of sorts between the school administration and the new parents wanting to homeschool their children, and I realized quite gravely that there are moms who know my name and face when I don’t know theirs.

It put a little bit of pressure to make sure I actually represent homeschooling well to both fronts, yet I welcomed it because it gave me a ministry of sorts that I was unique to fulfill. See moms trying to homeschool don’t get ministered to by my pastor or his wife; it’s not their job. But God placed me in these unique intersections (not the pastoral staff at my church) so if not me, then who?

So I worked with new moms to get kids together for Dungeons and Dragons group since it was an interest that a few of our kids had, even though this isn’t my strong point and I don’t do much. And I’m working with my school to start a 4H Club since that was also their desire and I knew the Regional UAF Extension Coordinator, so why not? I’m helping them get the ball rolling.

My husband and I will also be facilitating a Love and Logic 6-week workshop for couples over the summer, because these classes are mind blowingly revolutionary and we want to help, at least at this time, with getting the word out.

We can’t do all things at all times. And there comes times when I can’t do anything, where life or health has me otherwise occupied and I have no effort to give anyone else. But that time is not today, so why not?

But I think the funnest and most meaningful stretching point for me is starting a book club. We are reading Julie Bogart’s “The Brave Learner”, and I even hosted my first tea party! This is new. This is out of my comfort zone. This does not come naturally for me, it’s not in my skills set. But it’s going great and it’s helping me reach other moms where I wouldn’t have been able to before.

The Brave Learner’s Book Club, in the kitchen of our homeschooling charter school.
Posted in Family, Homeschooling

The Special Needs, Battle-Worn Parent

Confession: This post may seem like a rant.  But it’s my heart’s goal that through THIS momma’s rant, you can be just slightly more aware (if you aren’t already) of what it’s like to walk a mile in these shoes.

Being the mom of a special needs child is hard.  I know MANY moms in different battles and my heart just goes out for them, because though I have it much easier than some… It’s still exhausting.

boys reading

I’m sure we all have moments where we yell at others but only inside our heads, because we’re still trying to keep what little appearance of sanity we have.  But it may sound something like this:

“Well your child is constantly interrupting others and can’t wait his turn to talk, but I don’t think that’s an ADHD symptom at all…”

So you’re assuming he’s just rude and sabotaging his friends on purpose?  This is TEXTBOOK impulsivity in a social setting, classic symptom of ADHD – and I know, because I read the books.  Would you like one?

“Your child’s behavior is not the greatest, so although the rest of his peers are advancing, I don’t think he is taking this as seriously as his classmates and we won’t be advancing him.”

He fractured his hand at the growth plate of his middle trying to impress you with the skill he was trying to accomplish because it mattered to him THAT much to earn your approval though… Just sayin’.

chess

“I would never try medication with MY kids! We’ve been able to manage little Tommy’s behavior just fine by cutting out his sugar and red dye number 40.  I’ve also read that more protein helps little boys with the same issues you struggle with.”

Would you tell a diabetic that he just needs to get his fat self to exercise and eat healthy and he wouldn’t need his insulin any more?!?  And would you not think that I have tried everything before this point?

“I just don’t see the big deal with behavioral issues.  After all, boys will be boys.”

I don’t think boys are supposed to struggle with insomnia, bed wetting, and poor appetites either.  And him talking out of turn in a class is not nearly as concerning to me as the migraines he gets two to four times a week from constantly trying to focus around non-stop distractions.  But I’m glad you feel he’s manageable.

swimming

“My mom just whooped me when I didn’t focus.”

Yeah, my mom whooped me too.  We now have lived 6000 miles apart for the past 8 years.  You were sayin’?

“Have you considered that maybe you just shouldn’t homeschool him?  At some point you need to see you may be doing things wrong and you should leave him to an expert.”

I don’t even want to dignify this with an answer.

Anakin and friends

I could keep going. But I can also go in the other direction; I have friends who have just loved on us and never said a word – which is helpful.  But if there’s one thing I’d like for all these people to know is that they are the icing on the chocolate cake of my problems and my battle as a parent of this child.  Which is why many, many moms in my situation just walk away and don’t bother saying a word.

We don’t want to begin to tell you how much we have to wrestle with our spouses over this.  Many spouses are in a sort of tug-o-war over their hopes for their special needs children and how to address it, and while we’re walking that tight rope we’re still fussing with the child (usually over the SAME thing, over, and over again… It’s like beating a dead horse until you get it to the edge of the water and then making it take a drink!).  And we still have to research for outside sources of help for our child.  While managing the rest of the family and other “normal” kids and not so “normal” kids.  And let’s not forget any semblance of self care…

family pic

So from all moms like me, I kindly ask moms like you: When you see us in the struggle at the school line or the grocery store, don’t be THAT mom – the judgy mom, the mom with all the answers (the one I used to be, when everything seemed in control).  Instead, be the mom that brings an extra cup of coffee or sends a funny meme.  Be the mom that teaches their kids about differently-abled brains and how to be friends with kids who process life differently than yours.  Be the mom that “moves towards the mess.” If you don’t know what to do, just lift three fingers and whistle the “Hunger Games” tune.  We get it.

put your love glasses on