Posted in Faith, Family, Uncategorized

The Cha-Cha of Life

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If it ever felt like we take one step forward and two steps back, it’s now!

We did not get pre-approved for a home loan.  We ended up moving into a small apartment just to be on our own again.

I’m not even trying to get into a home loan. I’m trying to get to Florida to see my mom and my sister.  And then get back.

whynottri1My mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  That blind-sided me.

A chiropractor is out to get me and levied my entire bank account.  The only medical place I have not been able to pay decided to help themselves to my husband’s entire paycheck and all we had in savings.

We did a triathlon as a family!  Then I injured my foot and haven’t been able to walk pain-free since June 9th.

I joined itWorks!  I can’t wait to get my starter kit.  Looking forward to making money for using products I would buy at GNC and start losing the weight I gained.

My dog Momo had a major seizure…

life groupOne step forward, two step backs.  It’s a cha-cha. The Salsa lover in me should find this beautiful… Except I feel violently shaken and disoriented right now!  Part of the reason I haven’t been able to blog, other than depression (and I’m seeing a therapist and a doctor for that) is I’m kinda’ stunned speechless! Yet I’ve been very well taken care of by my tribe of believing homeschooling moms and that has made all the difference.

I guess I forget I’m dancing with the Lord as my partner and He takes the lead! Not an original idea, but I heard Amena Brown, a spoken word poet and she NAILED IT, it’s so good I’m sharing with you the lyrics. Not quite as good as hearing her recite it, but it’s the best I got today:

Dance with Him
He puts His hand on the small of my back
Two fingers pressed into the center of my palm
He pulls me close
Steps with His left, my right
I focus on His eyes and try to ignore my feet as they clumsily count one – two – three
I’m trying to trust Him
He knows this dance better than me
I’m still a novice and it’s obvious
I have yet to lean in and let Him control the turns
He takes His time and even when I miss a step
It’s fine
He knows I’m learning
He wants me to put my hand in His
Close my eyes and trust Him
With my life
My heart
With worry
And “I’m so scared”
With hurt
lifeWorth and unworthy
Loving and unlovable
And my heart has been hurt before
I have been burned before
Loved
And endured loss before
I am in no mood for a dance
No mood to be romanced
I have become a grace cynic
And love’s worst critic
He sends me invitations every day
And even though I have yet to RSVP
He doesn’t mind me
He keeps pursuing
Taking steps in spite of me
He is a songwriter
Composing the notes that hold together eternity
And He wants to teach my limbs to sing
He’s been waiting to watch me let go of woe
And worry…until my soul
Sings in that beautiful voice He gave me
That I have someone come to think
Is not so beautiful
To dance with Him
I must give in
And give up
Plus
The trust it takes to really love
And I want to love Him unbridled
Believe in Him with a faith that is unshakeable
Like tree roots centuries deep
Until I learn to follow His time
Take deep breaths
Rest my head on His chest
And my cares at His feet
But I never fare well
As long as I depend on mewhynottri2
Take His hand
Take a chance
Fingertips in the palm of the One who holds galaxies
In His hand
Hand on His shoulder
Heart in His hand
We dance
To a down beat
That keeps time with His heartbeat
Sometimes
It feels like He’s letting me go
When He’s only letting me turn
And sometimes
It feels like He’s letting me fall
When He’s only letting me learn
His is the song that never ends
His love
Sinners become friends
He wants to dance with you
Until the only Song you hear
Is Him

When I have nothing to encourage you with personally, it’s ok.  That will get better.  But I’m never without encouragement from the Lord, without His peace, or His provision.  As a Christian blogger, the best I can do is share the encouragement I’ve received with you.  I pray it lifts you up today.

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Posted in Family

What This Blog is Not…

I am a homeschooling mom of three kids, one of which is ADHD and another was visually impaired up until third grade.  In my past life, I had lost 30 lbs, ran 240 miles in a year, and became a Zumba Instructor.  Then Rheumatoid Arthritis humbly knocked me off that high horse, and life has me rebuilding pretty much from scratch at this point.  I may potentially be ADHD as well, I suspect.  I’m Hispanic.  I’ve been happily married to my high school sweet heart for 12+ years. I live in Alaska though I was born in Venezuela and raised in South Florida.  And I’ve been a born-again Christian since I was 15 years old.  With my family 4 time zones and 6000 miles away, my church IS my family.  And I’m a reader.

Some of my readers know me from way back in my blogger.com days, others joined me when I was at confessions1st.com, and some of you may just now have started following me.  But in case you didn’t know, here are 10 things this blog is DEFINATELY not:

  1. Advertisement. Ugh I hate clicking stuff away from the article I want to read.  I’m willing to pay to keep you from that.  While maybe some day I may do a sponsored post, it’s not really my style.  I don’t want to sell you anything. Really.

    Disclaimer: I do book reviews.  I normally don’t get paid to share my opinion on the books, I just get the books for free – and more frequently I give a copy of the book away!

  • Gospel or Professional Advice. Nope. I’m an average mom.
  • Pinterest Worthy: If you’re waiting for me to share, “7 crafts you can do for St. Patrick’s Day” or “5 ways to grow closer to God”, I can point you in the direction of some GREAT bloggers.  That’s just not my style.
  • Photogenic: I write, visual arts are NOT my forte, so most of the pics featured here are either from pixabay.com or they are from my phone.
  • Word vomit venting: While I’m transparent about struggling through some tough times, I don’t want to share with you anything without a ray of light somehow.
  • Exclusively, Entirely Christian: I’ve prayed about this a lot.  And while I am exclusively, entirely Bible-believing Christian myself, that’s not the only audience I want to reach.  It’s not the only thing I want to write about. It’s not even the only thing I talk about! I mean in all sincerity, I meet up with friends and talk about television shows, funny youtube cat videos, parenting, and sports.  If I only blogged in “Christianese”, it would be very fake of me.
  • Political: Bleeeegh
  • Bashing of Anyone Else: I don’t beat anyone down with changes that need to be made, except me.
  • Without Error.
  • Anyone Else’s Opinion But My Own.
I love my husband! So I bug him for #selfies. He obliges. #selfie #nofilter #marriage

confessions1rst I love my husband! So I bug him for #selfies. He obliges. #selfie #nofilter #marriage

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Posted in Family

Getting What I Asked For

I am a starter of all trades, a master of none.  I had originally started a blog called “Confessions of a First Timer”.  Thinking I would publish books and write amazing pieces that would lead me to sponsorships and money over the past two years, I started off with the best intentions and then decided I didn’t really want to do the work.  Now that Website is gone.  I find myself writing recreationally from scratch.

I was also a Zumba instructor up until November of last year.  So Zumba looks awesome on TV or that one class live, but when you are doing all the prep work to be ready to TEACH a class, it’s a whole ‘nother level of sweat and stank. Seriously. I would average about 8.5 miles per practice before I taught on Monday nights.  When my RA kicked in furiously I couldn’t work anymore, so I dropped the ZIN membership as well.

I also once tried to become a Veterinary Technician… I probably still owe money for that long distance course…

And a dog groomer…

And a social worker…

And today? I’m a wife and stay at home, homeschooling mom.  Half finished degrees left and right.  A resume that at best makes me look bi-polar.  But I’m still young, right? Got my whole life ahead of me.

I’ll be turning 31 this year!

I think 30s are perfect because you finally know yourself enough to be comfortable in your own skin.  And you’re old enough to not really care about what anyone else says.

I am more confused for what I want to do with the rest of my life, my physical and educational goals, my dreams, and my five-year-plans NOW than I ever did before.  In fact, I remember being 20 years old and completely frozen with indecisiveness and paralyzed with fear.  I had no idea what I wanted! I also had no idea what I was capable of enduring and what kind of mettle I have.

I thought I figured it out for a while, and I have lost it again…

As a Christian in my 20s, I was whatever the rest of the church needed me to be.  I was so preoccupied with acceptance that I never showed my honest, more transparent side.  Now?  My pastors know I’m a kind of heathen-ish Christian who loves Hip Hop, uses birth control, and smacks kids and ignorant folk with her flip-flop in true Latina style.  The beautiful thing is that they just love me anyways – in the good, the bad, and the ugly.  In my 20s I would never let anyone in church see anything other than the good.  But now that I’m 30, I’m a more transparent and honest believer in the body of Christ.  I believe God can use that.

I am finding now, going into 30, that I’m getting more of what I ask for in prayer.  But then again, it’s a thing of beauty to know what I want and have a much more clear direction of what I want God to do in my life and how I want to honor Him.  And it’s not that I’m not flexible or I’m self-centered, but the truth is:

If you aim at nothing, that’s precisely what you’ll get.

You can’t shoot arrows haphazardly and hope you get a bulls eye.  You have to aim for the bulls eye if you’re ever to hit it.  And I’m learning that prayer, faith, and life seem to work that way too.