I shared a few blog posts ago that my daughter had asked Siri, “What is the definition of modesty?” and how I tackled that conversation.
Confession: My feelings on the subject have been unraveled after reading “Restoring The Lost Petal” by Danielle Tate. And although I have provided links so you can get a copy of the book for yourself, I was not paid to provide a good review and will not be compensated in any earthly way by your purchase of it.
I think it would be helpful to understand, first of all, that I was not raised a Christian. I got saved at 15. And I was already an angry, rebellious teenager trying to assert some level of independence from my mom by then. I had already made less-than-ideal choices, and because of my attitude I already had a reputation (although it was far worse than I actually deserved).
Interesting thing about how I rolled back then: If you accused me of being slutty and I didn’t really deserve it, then I would go out of my way to show you how slutty I really could be. I don’t know how this logically could’ve worked in my favor, but that was how I rebelled against EVERYONE – by one-upping whatever anyone said, being more than what I was accused of. More tough, more angry, more violent, more promiscuous, more cruel…
And yet, if I’m completely honest, these experiences didn’t hurt me as bad when they happened as they did AFTER I got saved and started going to church!
When Jesus showed up in my 15 year old self, I didn’t need to be told that my dating speed was inappropriate, or that self-harming was bad, or that I needed a whole new circle friends. The Holy Spirit did that well enough; I understood at the moment I gave my heart to Christ and asked Him to be Lord of my life that I couldn’t have Jesus and live like I’m going to hell on wheels.
No exaggeration: I gave my life to Christ one Sunday morning, and while I was praying the sinner’s prayer, I told God, “And Lord, you know that tonight these boys from my neighborhood are going to knock on my window and invite me to sneak out while my family is asleep. No sense lying to you about this. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to say that I’m not going to go. I need You to protect me from this.”
That night, I slept like a rock. Heard at school that the boys went as far as opening my window and shook me in my bed as quietly as they could and I would not budge, so they left me alone in my room. And they never came back. #truestory
Christ’s forgiveness was so real at that moment that I completely forgave myself – being as far removed from that girl as the east is from the west. The problem is, I went to church…
From then until I got married and got the heck out of dodge, it seemed that no one in my church believed I was changed – no matter all my efforts to prove it. If I participated in EVERYTHING – from Mission’s Trips, to Bible Quiz, it was to get into my then-friend-now-husband’s pants. Nothing I wore was modest enough. The highlight of learning about sex was “Don’t do it! Don’t touch! Don’t even kiss! Until you’re married!” And then when my husband and I decided to get married, the church refused to get involved under the auspice that we already had sex and our marital union would no longer be sanctified.
Sadly, this is a #truestory as well. Needless to say, this did little to build me up in modesty and purity, little to break spiritual bondage, and little to bring healing…
Fast forward to this year, now that I’m 31 and even further removed from that person, I received a copy of this book to review. Danielle and I are Facebook friends and we had engaged in blog-related activities and personal conversations over the years. I was so stoked that she wrote this book and excited to offer her my support.
I didn’t realize how much I needed to read her words. And that’s about as far as I’ll spoil it for you. Because even though I wasn’t living a promiscuous/adulterous life style, and I wasn’t recovering from a traumatic abusive experience, I had still in some ways lost some petals and just learned to live without…
I strongly recommend this book for any girl of any age – before any sexual experiences or after, before marriage or married more than once… We as Christians need to re-engage in these conversations about sex, dating, modesty, purity and we need to do it right! We need to know much more than “don’t!” but also “Why?” and “When?” and “How?” And we need to restore the petals in the flowers of our hearts and protect the flowers in the hearts of the younger girls coming up after us.
You can get your copy of “Restoring The Lost Petal” by Danielle Tate here, but I’m also willing to give my copy away at random if you answer this prompt below:
What is the conversation about purity you WISH you had as a teenager? If you could go back and give your 15 year old self a message on this subject, what would you say?
I’m reading this book too, and your review is spot on. Danielle doesn’t shy away from the topic, and I love that. Thanks for sharing some of your story!
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Thanks Deann! She definitely does not tip toe around the issues. I pray it’s blessing you as much as it has blessed me!
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Thank you for sharing this, it’s a question that so many young girls (and women) are asking, and the church hasn’t been as forthright on this topic as it needs to be. Praying this blesses the heart of all who need it!
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Thanks Samantha! I’m praying that the church will take the lead on this conversation and bring healing to the broken!
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God can even restore the years and the times that the enemy has taken from all women
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Yes! I actually used that verse on a blog coming up on Wednesday. That verse has been on my heart all week – it’s on point!
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I hate it when Christians are unloving, and I know I’m guilty of it too. We so often fail to show others the grace God gave us. Thank you for sharing your story.
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Thanks Heather! I think American Christians overall are afraid to get messy. Hmm. That might be a future blog post for me right there…
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Right on, Maria! This book provides a wonderful opportunity to explore a topic too long shied-away from in our churches, Christian communities, small groups and conversations with our children! I, too, am working through this book and finding some real revelation! Thank you for sharing this timely and well-written review!
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Thanks Jennifer! Praying it brings healing to you too. Honestly I thought I was “just fine” until, as I read the book, God walked me through some painful moments in my past and showed me clarity. And healing.
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I’m also reading this book. You’ve pegged a real need in the church. I hope we can spread the word far and wide about Danielle Tate’s awesome insight! I wish someone had told me I was worth waiting for… Blessings!
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Oh you are so precious to God, Dawnita! You’re the apple of His eye, and nothing will change that! You were priceless to Him then, and you certainly are now!
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I’d say if your toeing the line you are completely missing the concept of modesty. It’s more of a heart issue than it is a physical one or at least it starts in the heart and expresses itself through our actions.
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Agreed. It’s not about “how much can I get away with”, it’s about “how can I honor God as Lord in my life?”
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Loved your testimony and the way God provided you a way to stay safe after you were saved!
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Yes He did! He proved Himself so real in my life by helping me with so many struggles supernaturally. It was a true “Jesus moment”, and it turned my life around!
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This is a powerful excerpt. It really does sound like a great book. I’m glad that people are talking about this subject that is far too often ignored.
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Thanks Tara! I know many are tackling this subject in their ministries. I’m praying it brings freedom!
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Love those words the Beauty that God made and oh yes forgiveness the hinge in so many different things. Whether it forgiveness for others or our selves. I enjoyed your post and the scriptures
come see us at http://shopannies.blogspot.com
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Thanks Angie! Can’t take credit for those that’s all Danielle’s work!
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