Getting What I Asked For

I am a starter of all trades, a master of none.  I had originally started a blog called “Confessions of a First Timer”.  Thinking I would publish books and write amazing pieces that would lead me to sponsorships and money over the past two years, I started off with the best intentions and then decided I didn’t really want to do the work.  Now that Website is gone.  I find myself writing recreationally from scratch.

I was also a Zumba instructor up until November of last year.  So Zumba looks awesome on TV or that one class live, but when you are doing all the prep work to be ready to TEACH a class, it’s a whole ‘nother level of sweat and stank. Seriously. I would average about 8.5 miles per practice before I taught on Monday nights.  When my RA kicked in furiously I couldn’t work anymore, so I dropped the ZIN membership as well.

I also once tried to become a Veterinary Technician… I probably still owe money for that long distance course…

And a dog groomer…

And a social worker…

And today? I’m a wife and stay at home, homeschooling mom.  Half finished degrees left and right.  A resume that at best makes me look bi-polar.  But I’m still young, right? Got my whole life ahead of me.

I’ll be turning 31 this year!

I think 30s are perfect because you finally know yourself enough to be comfortable in your own skin.  And you’re old enough to not really care about what anyone else says.

I am more confused for what I want to do with the rest of my life, my physical and educational goals, my dreams, and my five-year-plans NOW than I ever did before.  In fact, I remember being 20 years old and completely frozen with indecisiveness and paralyzed with fear.  I had no idea what I wanted! I also had no idea what I was capable of enduring and what kind of mettle I have.

I thought I figured it out for a while, and I have lost it again…

As a Christian in my 20s, I was whatever the rest of the church needed me to be.  I was so preoccupied with acceptance that I never showed my honest, more transparent side.  Now?  My pastors know I’m a kind of heathen-ish Christian who loves Hip Hop, uses birth control, and smacks kids and ignorant folk with her flip-flop in true Latina style.  The beautiful thing is that they just love me anyways – in the good, the bad, and the ugly.  In my 20s I would never let anyone in church see anything other than the good.  But now that I’m 30, I’m a more transparent and honest believer in the body of Christ.  I believe God can use that.

I am finding now, going into 30, that I’m getting more of what I ask for in prayer.  But then again, it’s a thing of beauty to know what I want and have a much more clear direction of what I want God to do in my life and how I want to honor Him.  And it’s not that I’m not flexible or I’m self-centered, but the truth is:

If you aim at nothing, that’s precisely what you’ll get.

You can’t shoot arrows haphazardly and hope you get a bulls eye.  You have to aim for the bulls eye if you’re ever to hit it.  And I’m learning that prayer, faith, and life seem to work that way too.

2 thoughts on “Getting What I Asked For

  1. Wow, I can totally relate. Like with those two Assoc. degress I’ll never use, hiding my quirky self, making decisions based on others expectations – and the whole blogging like everyone else trap! I’m glad to see you on this side of it all. It took me a little longer to get there (38 here!) but it feels good to do things my way and avoid that comparison trap 😉

    It’s good to see you around the blogging block again 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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