Restoring The Lost Petal

I shared a few blog posts ago that my daughter had asked Siri, “What is the definition of modesty?” and how I tackled that conversation.

no-shame

Confession: My feelings on the subject have been unraveled after reading “Restoring The Lost Petal” by Danielle Tate.  And although I have provided links so you can get a copy of the book for yourself, I was not paid to provide a good review and will not be compensated in any earthly way by your purchase of it.

I think it would be helpful to understand, first of all, that I was not raised a Christian.  I got saved at 15.  And I was already an angry, rebellious teenager trying to assert some level of independence from my mom by then.  I had already made less-than-ideal choices, and because of my attitude I already had a reputation (although it was far worse than I actually deserved).

Interesting thing about how I rolled back then: If you accused me of being slutty and I didn’t really deserve it, then I would go out of my way to show you how slutty I really could be.  I don’t know how this logically could’ve worked in my favor, but that was how I rebelled against EVERYONE – by one-upping whatever anyone said, being more than what I was accused of. More tough, more angry, more violent, more promiscuous, more cruel…

And yet, if I’m completely honest, these experiences didn’t hurt me as bad when they happened as they did AFTER I got saved and started going to church!

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When Jesus showed up in my 15 year old self, I didn’t need to be told that my dating speed was inappropriate, or that self-harming was bad, or that I needed a whole new circle friends.  The Holy Spirit did that well enough; I understood at the moment I gave my heart to Christ and asked Him to be Lord of my life that I couldn’t have Jesus and live like I’m going to hell on wheels.

No exaggeration: I gave my life to Christ one Sunday morning, and while I was praying the sinner’s prayer, I told God, “And Lord, you know that tonight these boys from my neighborhood are going to knock on my window and invite me to sneak out while my family is asleep.  No sense lying to you about this.  I’m not sure I’m strong enough to say that I’m not going to go.  I need You to protect me from this.”

That night, I slept like a rock.  Heard at school that the boys went as far as opening my window and shook me in my bed as quietly as they could and I would not budge, so they left me alone in my room.  And they never came back.  #truestory

Christ’s forgiveness was so real at that moment that I completely forgave myself – being as far removed from that girl as the east is from the west.  The problem is, I went to church…


From then until I got married and got the heck out of dodge, it seemed that no one in my church believed I was changed – no matter all my efforts to prove it.  If I participated in EVERYTHING – from Mission’s Trips, to Bible Quiz, it was to get into my then-friend-now-husband’s pants.  Nothing I wore was modest enough.  The highlight of learning about sex was “Don’t do it! Don’t touch! Don’t even kiss! Until you’re married!”  And then when my husband and I decided to get married, the church refused to get involved under the auspice that we already had sex and our marital union would no longer be sanctified.

Sadly, this is a #truestory as well.  Needless to say, this did little to build me up in modesty and purity, little to break spiritual bondage, and little to bring healing…

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Fast forward to this year, now that I’m 31 and even further removed from that person, I received a copy of this book to review.  Danielle and I are Facebook friends and we had engaged in blog-related activities and personal conversations over the years.  I was so stoked that she wrote this book and excited to offer her my support.

I didn’t realize how much I needed to read her words.  And that’s about as far as I’ll spoil it for you.  Because even though I wasn’t living a promiscuous/adulterous life style, and I wasn’t recovering from a traumatic abusive experience, I had still in some ways lost some petals and just learned to live without…

I strongly recommend this book for any girl of any age – before any sexual experiences or after, before marriage or married more than once… We as Christians need to re-engage in these conversations about sex, dating, modesty, purity and we need to do it right! We need to know much more than “don’t!” but also “Why?” and “When?” and “How?”  And we need to restore the petals in the flowers of our hearts and protect the flowers in the hearts of the younger girls coming up after us.

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You can get your copy of “Restoring The Lost Petal” by Danielle Tate here, but I’m also willing to give my copy away at random if you answer this prompt below:

What is the conversation about purity you WISH you had as a teenager?  If you could go back and give your 15 year old self a message on this subject, what would you say?

Seward!

Our family is just having a great time today. 

A friend of mine coordinated a nocturnal, overnight field trip to our very own Sea Life Center in Seward Alaska. 

Confession: I love taking pictures. There are so many memories I have of Venezuela; places I’ll never be able to show my husband or my kids. I wish I had a camera back then! So I go overboard with pictures now…


Even the drive is absolutely beautiful! I keep my nose glued to the glass the whole way there!


I drive this same road multiple times a year, and it always looks different. Seasons make a difference. 

We also love car trips to listen to Audiobooks. It’s so much fun to listen to a good story while you drive! Today, we played “The Spiderwick Chronicles” narrated by Mark Hammill. 


When that needed a break, the Celtic soundtrack to the Disney movie “Brave” did just fine!

Once in Seward, we arrived about four hours ahead of schedule, so we took our time walking around town. We tried to find some geocaches for Anakin’s camping badge. 


Oddly enough, at 26F and sunny it felt wonderful. Like, Lularoe leggings and a hoodie nice. There were also wild seals to observe on the bay, and a few bald eagles who had no problem with our intrusions. 


When we went in the Sea Life Center there was so much to see! Home to sea lions and Harbor seals, as well as plenty of local fish and an aviary. 


The experience is more than just watching the tanks. After dinner, we did two classes on marine biology that were fascinating! The kids (and I) learned so much!

Now we’re all in our sleeping bags between the seals and the birds. I don’t know that I will sleep… but I hope my kids do! 

You can see a few more pictures on Instagram, and there’s still so much on our schedule for this week that more blogs are to come, I’m sure!

Until then, I just want to thank my friend Cass and her husband for putting this together. It’s a super cool experience, maybe even more so for my husband and I – we never had experiences like this!


You know, sometimes you have deep theological thoughts, other times life throws you deep perspective. With RA, ADHD, and homeschooling I could have plenty to write about… And yet, sharing a nice experience is just fine too! Thankful to God for sunny days like these.

The Auditory Learner

I thought I was so smart when I made my daughter flash cards to memorize her multiplication tables.  Then my feelings were completely hurt when she wasn’t learning anything from holding them in her hands for 30 minutes at a time.

multiplication

Duh!

My daughter is an Auditory learner.  In part due to vision problems she had from Kindergarten through 2nd grade, which required vision therapy and kept her from successfully being able to read and write.  Vision therapy helped strengthen the nerves around her eyes and now she reads and writes just fine.

That doesn’t mean that she’s a visual learner though.  It just means she can read and write.

Her memory is directly linked to what she hears – specially what she hears in her own voice.  And this can be such a tough type of kid to teach because most public school curriculum is visual, and a lot of the homeschooling curriculum is kinesthetic (which works too, but only in some things).  So what do I use?

I get audio books for the books she’s supposed to read that are a bit too thick.  Our Library has the Overdrive app which allows us to borrow audio books directly to our phone!  Audible is a good source too.  And a good old fashioned trip to the Library for some CDs to play in the van work great too.  When we had long days in the van, driving everywhere, we listened to stories narrated by Jim Weiss.  Celtic Tales.  A Tale of Two Cities.  The Three Musketeers.  My kids know a lot of the classics from listening to this on the go.

It also means that we do better having conversations about history and science than making her write it or fill out worksheets.  Specially if I want her to remember key points.

Auditory math feels like watching paint dry.  I’m glad I use manipulatives for this, and she’s actually able to keep up visually for the most part.  But when it came to memorizing her time tables, which is just plain boring memorization, she couldn’t do it on her own.

For this, I sat down and talked her through the time tables.  I started with 2s and 3s, and then I would give her an answer and ask her what time table gave her that number (example: 18 = 2×9 and 3×6).  We sit together for thirty minutes and go back and forth on them, and if she’s confused, I ask her to say the correct fact four times back to back.  Now she’s learned up to her 5s.

Key issue for memorization: You have to sound confident.  Your brain has to hear you say it like you know it.  You can’t memorize questions or doubts.  If you sound like you don’t really know, what your brain will remember is that feeling of “I don’t really know”.

Bible verses? Read them out loud often.  Lines to recite for a play? Record yourself saying them and play it back!

brielle-headphones

At this point someone would ask me: How do I know I have an auditory learner?

  • Does your child make songs out of everything?
  • Do you hear your child talk to herself during play?
  • Can she pick up a rhythm or hum a melody she just heard?
  • Does your child have a prosecuting attorney-like ability to quote you on something you said?  Maybe even weeks ago? When you weren’t even talking to her?
  • Does your child pick up on words or phrases she hears others say?
  • Does your child like it when you read out loud?

Then these are hints that she might be an auditory learner.  They’re very musical.

I just learned to use her strength in her favor instead of beating the dead horse over concepts that she just wouldn’t memorize fresh off the text book.

I also have a kinesthetic learner (movement/wiggly butt) and a visual learner.  It spreads me out in my homeschooling day!  Between learning styles AND difference in grade levels, every child is almost always working individually on all subjects.

What would you say is your learning style?  Can you remember things you read?  Do you learn songs very quickly?  Or do you prefer to be hands-on to understand how things work? Share below!

Use It Or Lose It!

Confession: I lost my entire previous blog, with 3 years and 200 followers, because I forgot to pay for it one month.  I didn’t pay for it because I wasn’t using it.

Seems very irresponsible of me, I know, but welcome to my long laundry list of failures… potentially related to being ADHD myself.  It’s not the first mistake, and it probably won’t be my last.

child-bible

What reminded me that I had a blog in the first place (pathetic, I know) is that I heard this Bible passage some days ago:

Matthew 25:14-30 The Message (MSG)

The Story About Investment

14-18 “It’s also like a man going off on an extended trip. He called his servants together and delegated responsibilities. To one he gave five thousand dollars, to another two thousand, to a third one thousand, depending on their abilities. Then he left. Right off, the first servant went to work and doubled his master’s investment. The second did the same. But the man with the single thousand dug a hole and carefully buried his master’s money.

19-21 “After a long absence, the master of those three servants came back and settled up with them. The one given five thousand dollars showed him how he had doubled his investment. His master commended him: ‘Good work! You did your job well. From now on be my partner.’

22-23 “The servant with the two thousand showed how he also had doubled his master’s investment. His master commended him: ‘Good work! You did your job well. From now on be my partner.’

24-25 “The servant given one thousand said, ‘Master, I know you have high standards and hate careless ways, that you demand the best and make no allowances for error. I was afraid I might disappoint you, so I found a good hiding place and secured your money. Here it is, safe and sound down to the last cent.’

26-27 “The master was furious. ‘That’s a terrible way to live! It’s criminal to live cautiously like that! If you knew I was after the best, why did you do less than the least? The least you could have done would have been to invest the sum with the bankers, where at least I would have gotten a little interest.

28-30 “‘Take the thousand and give it to the one who risked the most. And get rid of this “play-it-safe” who won’t go out on a limb. Throw him out into utter darkness.’

In older translations, the currency was known as a “talent”.  So the last verse in essence says that the talent was taken away from the servant who hid it underground and given to the one who had 10 talents…

My loved ones, there’s a “Use It Or Lose It” supernatural law at work here on Earth!

If you don’t fully articulate and bear weight on a joint, it will start to become brittle and weak, and you lose range of motion.

Coupons that you don’t redeem before their expiration date are worthless.

I’ve been sick this whole week, and I went to my medicine cabinet only to hopelessly discover that all my cold medication expired in 2015!  I had not used it in many years.  It all was useless now.

Our Heavenly Father is a “Give us Today” kind of God.  The manna in the desert was only for the day.  His provisions for us tend to be what we need for right now (how many of us have won the lottery and are financially set for the rest of our lives? I didn’t think so).  And the gifts and abilities He has blessed us with are for us to use them today – not in some future, potentially after retirement! Now!  Because when He suddenly returns, He will ask, “What did you do with the talents I invested in you?”

Let’s be good and faithful servants then.  If we put to use even the smallest things we have been blessed with, He is good and will bless us with more.

Let’s pay heed to the fact that just returning what was given is not enough for the Master.  He owns thousands of hills under which He can bury treasure to dig up later.  It is a disrespect to our Master to not even attempt to put His gifts to work.

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Do you have some talents lying kind of dormant right now?  What can you do to start activating them, even if just a little at a time?

What This Blog is Not…

I am a homeschooling mom of three kids, one of which is ADHD and another was visually impaired up until third grade.  In my past life, I had lost 30 lbs, ran 240 miles in a year, and became a Zumba Instructor.  Then Rheumatoid Arthritis humbly knocked me off that high horse, and life has me rebuilding pretty much from scratch at this point.  I may potentially be ADHD as well, I suspect.  I’m Hispanic.  I’ve been happily married to my high school sweet heart for 12+ years. I live in Alaska though I was born in Venezuela and raised in South Florida.  And I’ve been a born-again Christian since I was 15 years old.  With my family 4 time zones and 6000 miles away, my church IS my family.  And I’m a reader.

Some of my readers know me from way back in my blogger.com days, others joined me when I was at confessions1st.com, and some of you may just now have started following me.  But in case you didn’t know, here are 10 things this blog is DEFINATELY not:

  1. Advertisement. Ugh I hate clicking stuff away from the article I want to read.  I’m willing to pay to keep you from that.  While maybe some day I may do a sponsored post, it’s not really my style.  I don’t want to sell you anything. Really.

    Disclaimer: I do book reviews.  I normally don’t get paid to share my opinion on the books, I just get the books for free – and more frequently I give a copy of the book away!

  • Gospel or Professional Advice. Nope. I’m an average mom.
  • Pinterest Worthy: If you’re waiting for me to share, “7 crafts you can do for St. Patrick’s Day” or “5 ways to grow closer to God”, I can point you in the direction of some GREAT bloggers.  That’s just not my style.
  • Photogenic: I write, visual arts are NOT my forte, so most of the pics featured here are either from pixabay.com or they are from my phone.
  • Word vomit venting: While I’m transparent about struggling through some tough times, I don’t want to share with you anything without a ray of light somehow.
  • Exclusively, Entirely Christian: I’ve prayed about this a lot.  And while I am exclusively, entirely Bible-believing Christian myself, that’s not the only audience I want to reach.  It’s not the only thing I want to write about. It’s not even the only thing I talk about! I mean in all sincerity, I meet up with friends and talk about television shows, funny youtube cat videos, parenting, and sports.  If I only blogged in “Christianese”, it would be very fake of me.
  • Political: Bleeeegh
  • Bashing of Anyone Else: I don’t beat anyone down with changes that need to be made, except me.
  • Without Error.
  • Anyone Else’s Opinion But My Own.
I love my husband! So I bug him for #selfies. He obliges. #selfie #nofilter #marriage

confessions1rst I love my husband! So I bug him for #selfies. He obliges. #selfie #nofilter #marriage

Like it so far? Subscribe/Follow! I’d appreciate keeping in touch.  I want to know who my audience is. It’s the greatest compliment you can give a blogger!

Got any suggestions you’d like to see here? Share below!

Faith and Fitness Building Music

My dear friend Lo Tanner shared on her email list a play list of worship songs that help carry her through difficult moments.  It inspired me to share a little list of my own…

Confession: Exercising NOW is increasingly more difficult than it was 3 years ago.  Where I used to run 5 miles, now I struggle to walk one.  Where I used to squat 80 lbs, now I have a hard time getting up from the couch.  Where I was a Zumba instructor and I used to teach one hour classes, now I find myself successful if I get through 20 minutes of yoga.

Life happens and Rheumatoid Arthritis sucks. But I know I need to keep moving.  My fitness goals have changed to reflect that, but I’m not going to lie: When I hit the work out zone, I beat myself up a lot.  It’s so difficult to NOT get discouraged.

This is why now, more than ever, I need to build my faith along with my fitness.  I can’t compartmentalize, these two are indistinguishable from each other.  So whether it’s the motivation to stay on the treadmill five more minutes, or not give up on the yoga, I need the words in my headphones to be more powerful than the self-defeating lies that creep up every time…

… and a nice beat helps too…

Here’s a list (in no particular order) that has both!

  • Pentatonix “Can’t Hold Us” – don’t ask, it just works.
  • Beckah Shae “I’ll Be Alright”
  • Beckah Shae “Life”
  • Beckah Shae “No More” – ok so I really recommend her. But this one here is my power song!
  • Mercy Me “Move”
  • Kerrie Roberts “Outcast”
  • Mary Mary “Shackles (Praise You)” – yup, I just dated myself here… I’m a dinasour.
  • Melinda Watts “So Good”
  • Ayiesha Woods “Crazy”
  • Cadia “Inside Out”

I’ll interject here, that I’m not always needing something to pump up my cardio to 140 bpm.  I like listening to stuff that gets me pumped, but also that helps me maintain endurance; if it keeps a steady rhythm, and it verbally encourages me not to give up, then it makes my list.

  • DC Talk “Jesus Freak” – I’m pretty sure my T-Rex arms give me away by now… I’m so old…
  • Group 1 Crew “His Kind of Love”
  • John Reuben “Do Not”
  • Jonathan Thulin “Dead Come to Life” Featuring Charmaine
  • Lecrae “Give In” Featuring Crystal Nicole)
  • Newsboys “God’s Not Dead”
  • Rachel Lampa “Savior Song”
  • Jars of Clay “Dead Man (Carry Me)” – appropriate after Leg Day
  • Jars of Clay “Flood”
  • Third Day “Lift Up Your Face”
  • Jimmy Needham “Come Thou Fount”
  • Grits “Fly Away”

Go ahead and check some of these out on Spotify or iTunes and add them to your work out playlist.


Do you have any faith-based work out songs you’d recommend? Share below!

Pilgrimage

Draggin my feet

Trying to keep moving forward

When it seems like every step I take

Pulls me further behind

Sweat stings my eyes

As I keep looking toward

The horizon for a sign of life

With no hope in sight

I thought I heard You

Calling me deeper

I thought I sensed You

Taking me further

How did I end up

In the middle of nowhere…

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This dream I thought I had

This big adventure We would go to

Looks so different now that, finally

Reality has arrived

It’s a lot more work

More disappointments that I work through

Than some happy little ending

Will I even survive?

I need Your presence

Here in the desert

I need a fountain

To wash this dirt

Your living waters

This dryness hurts…

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Only You can show me

The cheers being shouted by that heavenly crowd

They’ve traveled this way in times before

They tell me not to give up now

You’re a Good Shepherd

And my journey won’t end in regret

We’ll reach a spring here, soon enough

You haven’t lost a soul yet!

You’re all I need

Your ways are higher

Your sight is perfect

Your yoke is lighter

When I am weary

You’ll carry me…

shepherd

All Things Are Possible… With ADHD

This is blog 3 of 3 on the subject.  If you’ve just joined me, you can check out post 1 and post 2 first at these links!

Confession: I am realizing now that my apprehension against Ritalin is kind of like judging a diabetic for using insulin instead of dieting and exercising regularly.

But after a lot of research I’ve realized where my negative stereotype came from:

  • Seeing so many kids diagnosed early: What kind of four year old ISN’T a wiggle butt?
  • Reports of “zombie like” side effects on the medication.
  • The stereotypical “welfare mom” who takes advantage of the diagnosis to dump the kid from dawn to dusk at day care.
  • The ease of the diagnosis in the first place: even teachers and social workers can diagnose a child and refer him to get medications!

There’s always a little bit of truth to these stereotypes after all, or they wouldn’t stick.  Really difficult kids drive referrals, which is why boys are diagnosed in day care and most girls fall through the cracks.  That “zombie” kid may have been over-medicated because there isn’t an exact science to the amount of medication each individual kid needs – and as I’ve learned full well through  my RA journey, sometimes it takes months (in my case, a year and 2 months) to get the balance of medication right!  Lower income parents have a more difficult time with ADHD children and less support, having to work more and not necessarily having the child’s needs be any cheaper…

I’m no expert, but I have read enough on the subject to understand that the medications prescribed for ADHD are stimulants to help an underactive part of the brain – the part that helps with slowing down and thinking things through.  It’s not easy to dial it down!  But it makes sense to me because after Anakin would stand in the bathroom, toothbrush in hand, for 15 minutes, I would have him drink a cup of coffee with me in the mornings.

Cafe con leche, also known as cafe au lait.  Half brewed coffee, half milk, and some sugar.  It saved my life on more than one school morning myself… But I digress.  I did this every so often, specially on challenging school days.

I tackled all these concerns with his pediatrician too.  I came to understand that for most public school kids, they get put on longer-lasting medication.  Many schools are not exactly tolerant of a daily trip to the nurse’s office for another dose.  So when the aim is to help a child get through an 8-12 hour day, it’s not inconceivable that the dosage can be largely over-shot.

We decided to try a small dose that a) works immediately (side effects and all) and b) lasts only 3-4 hours.  If it was going to be too much, and negatively affect him, I wanted to know pretty immediately and call it good.  I also homeschool, and have been doing so the past 2 school years successfully without any medication.  In this time:

  • He learned to swim.
  • He published a book on Amazon.
  • He is a Cub Scout
  • He reads high school level fiction and even Kathy Reichs (we’re all a fan of the television show Bones)
  • He designs video games and learned coding
  • He’s an excellent chef – with the best mac and cheese in Alaska, I’m sure!
  • He’s made and kept a few good friends
  • Shot a .22 with outstanding accuracy
  • Premiered in a Christmas production with a local theater company
  • Performed in a choir, singing middle school level pieces of music with at least two part harmonies.

Needless to say, all things ARE possible.  Even with ADHD.

anakin-naan

The particular issue in this season of our lives is that the distractions and noise are constant and at times chaotic.  Not only was he having a difficult time focusing but the stress of trying to concentrate with the odds against him were also giving him headaches, depression, and an upset stomach.

So far, I’ve tried a dose of Ritalin twice – and always with his consent.  I’ve asked him, “Do you want to take your medication for XYZ this morning? Or do you think you can handle without?”  He’s asked me to do cub scouts and church without meds.  But on meds, he tackled a lot of chores and a lot of school work – might I add in an impressive amount of time.  DRASTICALLY less fussing with the sibling over every. single. chore.

Rabbit trail: How do I know this kid is a math genious? Because he’ll tell me, “Caleb only vacuumed 1/3 of the surface area upstairs.  Mean while, I have swept and mopped the entire floor down stairs, which is about twice the surface area Caleb has to vacuum upstairs in the first place! Therefore, it stands to reason that I should get on the computer first and not do any more chores – not even his chores!”  For the record, Caleb is 7.

He has complained it bugs his stomach but not enough to slow him down.  No change in personality either, just more task efficient; seeing the problem as “what needs to get done?” and then doing just that without complaining, fussing, or bullying his siblings into taking his place.

I don’t doubt that with or without medication Anakin, along many other kids, will accomplish things that will surpass anything his father and I could’ve hoped for!  While we read through the literature and learn better skills, we can certainly use treatment as our ally.

anakin-and-me

And we will probably BOTH need treatment.  All my research shows me that ADHD is hereditary, and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that Anakin probably inherited it from me.  If I braved this process for him, I owe it to him to brave it for myself too because I can only parent as far as I know.  If you want to know how this saga progresses, you’ll have to follow my blog.  Only time will tell!

Do you face medication concerns when it comes to your loved ones? How do you handle that conversation? Share below!

Modesty

My daughter is working on her “My Style” badge for American Heritage Girls and she asked my phone, “Siri, what is the definition of modesty?”

modesty

Confession: I’m glad she asked my phone before she asked me.  I wasn’t quite sure how to explain it.  It’s a term that gets tossed around a lot, more to girls than to boys, and definitely in religious circles.  But whenever it was brought up to me, it was always used to bring me shame and condemnation no matter how hard I tried to do what is right.

Last thing I want is to butcher this with her, she’s so sweet and innocent!

So we walked through it step by step.  She’s an auditory learner (a fact I’d be wise to remember when I’m dumb enough give her multiplication flash cards… Duh.), so conversation helps her to learn and process information.  Here’s what we discussed:

  1. It starts with being “unassuming”, or in other words, not drawing attention to ourselves as more special or hyped up than we really are.  So it has a quality of humility to it.  It’s like the ranks on a soldier’s uniform; it’s totally appropriate for the captain to wear captain’s uniform, but it’s a disgrace for someone of low rank (or worse, as has been seen before, someone who is not enlisted) to wear the captain’s rank.  It’s appropriate to dress for the job or rank we have earned – or in her case, wear her American Heritage Girls uniform with all her badges.  That would not be considered immodest.
  2. It means we are showing a limited, moderate, or small amounts of ourselves.  I told her that just because we  may have the money or the good looks to wear certain things doesn’t mean we necessarily should.  We even brought up Victoria’s Secret Models (we were surprised with their New Year’s Fashion show on the television of a Dairy Queen dinner date once) and we talked about how even though these women looked great, it wasn’t exactly modest to show so much of their nakedness on national TV.  We give people limited amounts of ourselves not just physically, but also to some degree emotionally and financially too.
  3. It means we behave and dress as is appropriate for the occassion, using these as a way to honor others above ourselves.  We talked about different outfits she wears during the week for different things.  Although a one piece bathing suit is perfectly modest for swimming, it’s entirely inappropriate for church on Sunday mornings!  So being proper and decent also has to do with discerning the occassion.  It’s why people don’t wear flashy colors at funerals, but flowery and bright colors are appropriate for weddings.  It’s why tight capris and a tank top are perfectly fine for yoga or running in the summer heat, but she really doesn’t need to wear form fitting clothes like that to co-op or Kid’s World at church.

brielle

I think this is all withing the realm of possibility for her – not legalistic, which kills your spirit, but not rebellious either (which kills your soul).  It was imperative with me, in this conversation with my 9 year old girl, that we addressed modesty without at all addressing sex.

It’s nauseating to me how hyper-sexualized everything is to a younger and younger audience.  And while the feminist in me says, “I’m not going to repress my daughter because some perv might be oogling her!” The maternal instinct in me says, “I don’t want to give a perv anything to look at!”  We don’t need to bring sex up to talk about the length of her skirt because modesty is so much more than the avoidance of sexual temptation in the first place.

I always try to approach every subject with my kids through the heart of God’s Word, as best I understand it.  I don’t want to restrict them in frustration; I want them to willingly make God-honoring choices.

How would you describe modesty to a young girl?

 

If Y’all Could Make Mental Health Not So Scary… That Would Be Great.

I last shared about the pivoting point that made a potential Ritalin believer for my son, Anakin.  But first, I had to go to his pediatrician and get a diagnosis.

Confession: I wish this process wasn’t so … scary.  There’s so much stigma attached to not having a perfectly wired brain!

… So many of these boys do poorly in High School.  They are also more likely to struggle with depression and as a result, turn to drug addiction.  Or they can be psychopaths, quite literally, with severe defiant disorders… Yikes! This is my ten year old Larry boy we’re talking about! The one who memorized and quizzed on the whole book of Acts, who got baptized at church camp!

Trust me when I say: Don’t google anything.  But take notes of everything about your kid – everything he feels physically, emotionally, and every behavior issue and bring that to a professional.  In my case, my Pediatrician has treated Anakin since he was 3 years old!  He has a history of all of Anakin’s developmental assessments through out the years as well as his vaccines.  He knows how smart Anakin is.

We talked about some physical symptoms that were concerning me; insomnia (I wonder who he gets THAT from?!), upset stomach, and a clumsy impulsivity that is above and beyond a preteen.  We also talked about how Anakin has always been forgetful but it feels that this school year he can’t find the pocket on his own pants.  Anakin himself shared that he’s frustrated because he stutters more often, isn’t getting along well with his friends like he used to, and that he feels worried or anxious all the time.

We didn’t need to talk about how Anakin has a difficult time with negative feelings.  And there’s no mild discomfort; everything on his pain scale is a 12 over 10 or a 0.  He’s been this way since he was two years old…

He sent us home with some questionaires – one for him to complete about himself, and one for parents to complete.  We came in another day with questionnaires filled and Anakin sat through about 45 minutes of testing to assess various neurological responses.

It was after all this that the doctor sat us down and said my suspicions were correct; although Anakin is very smart and has undoubtedly developed some good coping mechanisms thus far, he has ADHD.

He proceeds to explain to Anakin, eye to eye, what Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder means, with a drawing of brain neurons, and leaves me with a prescription of Ritalin which is completely optional and the list of a few authors.  He gives Anakin two books on how to slow down his mind to think.

We head over to the library and I leave Anakin happily playing a computer game on army tanks to brave section 616 in the adult floor.

anakin_tank

Dementia… PTSD… Anorexia… Depression… Psychopathy… Autism… 

Lord Jesus, what have I done to my son?!

scary-books

Attention Deficit Disorder… Here it is… A quarter of the shelf.  I’m hoping it’s more because so many books have been checked out and not necessarily because not enough books are written.

adhd-books

This is what makes asking for help so scary!  To venture down a path of needing mental health walks you through all these terrifiying and very real potential problems, much like how I felt walking down aisle 616 at my local library (even the number sounds ominous!).

But none of these things are beyond Jesus’ ability to heal or work through.  Autism, like ADHD, is an inherited different wiring of the brain – nothing more, nothing less.  Nothing God can’t use.  It’s not the nails on the coffin; it’s the nails on the Cross!  They are souls Jesus died for who have a role to play in God’s Kingdom.  While I would ask God to help someone heal from PTSD or Anorexia, I wouldn’t ask God to “heal” someone with autism or ADHD; they are some of the most wonderful geniuses I have ever met.  

PS About the video of Anakin three years ago… we all laugh about it now.  I’m sharing now confident that he isn’t as mortified about the incident as he was then.  He is a good sport and has a good sense of humor.

Do you know and love someone who is “differently abled”?  How has that changed your perspective on people with these different diagnosis? Share below!